Friday, February 02, 2007

reason why

People used to ask me why I wasn't married, why I didn't have a boyfriend etc. They don't much anymore. (Not sure why that is. Maybe they think I'm single by choice, or that I'm terribly picky, or maybe there is some reason that is glaringly obvious that no one has pointed out to me--because they think it is glaringly obvious). Anyway, the point being, I'm glad that I don't get asked anymore because that was a massive pain in the ass but at the same time, not ever being asked anymore makes me wonder if people have just given up hope for me and are prepared for my spinster-hood (not to mention the fact that I now own a spinning wheel. So I really am a spinster. Both kinds.)

I used to try to come up with the BEST response to the question. The response that would set people in their place and let them know how rude it was to ask and how unbothered I was (whether or not that was true) by the situation. It was quite amusing to think of answers but I never used any of them. (I tend to back down when faced with a situation to put someone in their place)(most of the time).

I spent time trying to think of answers because the true reason only would have led to awkward pity and a sudden urge to change the subject and/or flee. The true reason is that I never had much chance to change my "status" in this area. I've had lots of guy friends in my life and the occasional guy who was "interested" in me but these situations never led to anything more.

The guys who were "interested" generally quickly lost interest after either:
a)10 days or b) 2 dates, which ever came first. Almost without exception those guys used some variation of one of the following to indicate their desire to flee the scene:
1. "We can still be friends"
2. "I think we should spend more time with our own friends"
3. They would employ the tried and tested "avoid her until she gets the hint" maneuver.
Also almost without exception, these guys ended up either getting back together with an ex or meeting someone else within a couple of weeks and most of them ended up marrying that person. In one case, the guy met his next girlfriend WHILE he and I were on a date. That was fun.

Of the guy friends that I've had, once in a while, one of them would turn into a slightly-more-than-just-a-buddy type friend. There might be a bit of flirting, or other non-buddy type behavior. Increased contact, more time spent together etc. Then, just when the girl part of my brain starts to think "huh. This is new. Maybe I AM interested in him." one of the following happens:
1. The guy friend declares his interest/affection/undying love for my close girl friend. He asks for my assistance in wooing her.
2. He starts dating someone and stops talking to me altogether
3. The topic of whether there would ever be something more comes up or is suggested by an outside person and the guy-friend's response is a horrified "Oh God NO! Never!" after which I am relegated to the former friend pile and left to deal with the loss of a friend AND the fact that I had become interested in him.

Other than the 2 types of male interaction above, I've been hit on by married guys, by guys who are 12 or more years younger than me, by really annoying guys who have very little sense of personal hygene... Maybe I should be studied by a team of scientists for my amazing powers of both attracting unsuitable types and repelling any potential interests. I wonder what that would pay?

So, that, is why I am single. And why I just avoided the question whenever I was asked. And why I'm glad it's no longer being asked.

(sorry. this wasn't funny either. I'll work on that)


eternalsingleton said...

Ha! Me too! I really relate to that 'you think they're interested, but they want to use you to get to your friend' comment. I have a friend who is like catnip to men, and I am really sick of having guys sidling up to me as a way of getting to know her. She has no idea I feel like this, and she's NOT one of those sex-bomb types. I just get sick of being 'X's friend'. The worst thing was when one guy had a major thing for her, she wasn't interested - and I had a HUUUUGE unrequited crush on him. If she'd been interested, I think I'd have killed myself. No, really....

Bobbisox said...

Lori, it was like that with me; guess my large family got the hint when I had a tubal ligation without being married. I explained that if mr right was not there at that time ( I was 32) he most likely had kids of his own and I didn't need that kind of stuff. Turns out my hubby never had kids, and he is 5 years younger than me. I wouldn't have dated him when I was younger while I was looking for mr rich and right. What I got was MY Mr. Right. Good luck with your hunt, meanwhile we knit and enjoy our selves more than the ones who are way more concerned than they should be with who is married or not.